One Word - Fear

      As a young child I had been accompanied by fears – fear of detachment, fear of isolation; fears that were indescribable through words alone. There were continuous days in preschool where I cried because my mother had let go of my hand and walked away. In the end, she had to come to the floor and sit with me, which made me smile again. Or so my parents tell me.

       Fears are our sources of inhibition; they are what make us vulnerable when faced upon challenges and new stages of life. I was unwilling to trespass through the invisible barriers I had emotionally placed for myself, unwilling to change, unwilling to try. Till this very day, I am still hindered by fears. Many of the fears I had in the past gradually faded as time passed. In this stage of growth, however, I realize that I now have many more fears to face. Public performances are one of my worst fears. Whether it is performing a piano recital or participating in competitions of any kind – my fear of possibly making a mistake and rendering embarrassment obstructs me from fully experiencing the enjoyment of performance. Similarly, one of my most significant weaknesses is my fear of failure. It had never occurred to me until the beginning of high school how important it was to achieve the standards set out for me by the larger world, and more specifically, my family. I understood that this should not have been shocking, as every individual in our world has goals to attain and dreams to chase. It was not until this fear became an obsession – a lesson to teach and remind me how crucial it was not to disappoint those around me that I realized I was really lacking in ability and sense of responsibility. It is also this fear that further reflects my weaknesses: I do not have enough determination and passion inside to accommodate these ambitions, whether they are set out for me by others, or by myself. The fear of failing to achieve my academic goals, failing to reach my full potentials, failing to fulfill the expectations others have for me – these have become the ultimate hindrance of fully expressing my desires and how I truly feel.  Simultaneously, it is again, these fears – that allow me to ponder my imperfections and what drives me to become stronger both physically and emotionally.

      Nevertheless, fears can, at the same time, act as both a negative impact and a positive force. Fears may inhibit us from reaching our dreams and our full expression, controlling our actions and thoughts. On the other hand, fears also serve as our sources of motivation; it is what causes us to stop and consider our perspectives and emotions. Subtly but surely, we feel the effects of our fears which results in the attempt to overcome those specific challenges.